Did you split with someone lately? How do you deal with it? Does therapy work?
One thing that I was foolish enough to underestimate during my younger years was the impact of a bad break-up on a person. I used to snicker silently whenever I saw another girl, whether in movies or real life, cry buckets over a guy who left them.
I found it silly to get depressed merely for someone after breakups as if there wasn’t any man left on earth.
However, karma perhaps wanted to teach me a lesson since once it became my turn to fall in love, we eventually had a break up along with my desire to live. I stayed in bed for weeks with the curtains shut tight. If I wasn’t crying, I was thinking nonstop about the break-up, why the relationship ended, and what went wrong between me and my ex. In case my brain started hurting and my emotional pain was unbearable, I would tune in to sad love songs, which would then complete the circle and turn me into a bawling mess again.
To say that I was in a loop was an understatement.
Now, I can recall that my family had to force me to stare at my reflection in the mirror for hours till I realized how much havoc I wreaked on myself. I cried some more after that, yet it was because I regretted nurturing my painful emotions instead of getting rid of them. Thus, once I was able to calm down, my newfound goal was to look for therapists who could help me overcome my separation and depression.
As Deborah Serani, PsyD explains, “Depression is not a weakness of character, laziness, or a phase. Tough love, like telling someone to ‘buck up’ or ‘try harder,’ doesn’t work, and worsens the illness.”
I eventually met a couple of therapists with profound experience in the field related to painful breakups. The healing process became more doable than expected.
Nevertheless, while I’m not one of the mental health professionals, allow me to share what they did to guide me in a better direction after my past painful relationship.
- Identified The Main Problem
The initial assistance that I received from licensed therapists, whom I met through BetterHelp.com, came in the form of a psychological assessment. They gave me questionnaires to answer, in particular, as well as conversed with me about what I’ve been doing recently. They encouraged me too to talk about the breakup without cutting me mid-sentence. After some time, the results appeared, and the experts confirmed that I indeed had depression, albeit a mild one.
As opposed to feeling down, the counselor’s diagnosis helped me see my new objective. That is, to get rid of the mental disorder. Hearing the therapist say that was much bearable than battling an invisible foe without background knowledge regarding its seriousness.
- Taught The Power Of Loving Yourself
Another realization that enveloped me during the counseling session was that I got depressed because I relied too much on someone else to give me happiness. Instead of improving my intrapersonal relationship, I merely focused on pleasing the ex. Hence, when the man left, I was beside myself and unsure of how to move forward. “Self-love is important to living well. It influences who you pick for a mate, the image you project at work, and how you cope with the problems in your life.” says Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D.
Therapists, fortunately, can teach the importance of putting your needs before others. In the toughest moments of your life, after all, you may have no one to depend on but yourself. Self esteem will then be ideal for mental health stability always to love and pamper yourself often.
- Insisted That I Was More Than Enough
Breaking up with someone you assumed you’d spend forever with can undoubtedly make anyone feel inadequate, regardless of the ex’s reasons. It is entirely devastating and unfortunate. You ideally tried and gave him everything, but that person still did not choose to stick with you. Yes, the feelings resulting from that won’t be effortless to accept.
Despite that, some of the treatments administered by therapists aim to boost your confidence level. They bring your strengths to the surface and help you overcome your weaknesses. You’ll be able to confront your demons as well, which can be an exhausting yet fulfilling job. In the long run, you may realize how valuable you are as an individual even without your friends, family members, and therapists confirming it.
Breaking up with the person you cherish is not the neatest task in the world, truthfully speaking. You may cry for days; you will go through several stages of grief. There may also be occasions in which you may either want to beg him to come back or think that you’re not worthy of anyone’s love. Somehow, you feel the need to lower yourself because you are hurt.
Therapy For People After A Heartache
Can you do yourself a favor? Don’t consider begging or self-pitying at all. “If you are struggling with low self esteem, it is encouraged that you seek some type of help and support to work through this issue, and to help you be the best version of yourself that you can be.” Dr. Nikki Martinez, Psy.D. said. And as far as I know, the healing process of heartache was not that easy. Relationships end because the person you’re with may not be your match made in heaven. After dealing with a difficult breakup, you have a better chance of finding the one and knowing yourself further.
In case you still don’t think that’s a good thing, perhaps you should start contacting a counselor soon for your own sake. Good luck!
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